Every Monday as @DorethiaConner & with my co-host @BenitaTyler we interview experts on my weekly Twitter Online Show #MoneyChat held from 8pm-9pm ET. This post pulls the highlights from our #MoneyChat topic Love and Money! Our special guest was Shawn White, MA, LPC (@Shawnwhitemalpc). Shawn is a licensed professional counselor, educator, speaker and trainer. Her approach utilizes practical tips with evidenced-based knowledge to strengthen families.
This one was sooo hot, we are doing Part II Next Monday! Join us 12/6/10!
#MoneyChat: How important is money when it comes to love?
Shawn: Money plays a significant part of the relationship and if not discussed openly it can it can create problems later on.
#MoneyChat: Is a relationship more difficult when a woman makes more than the man?
Shawn: According the Bureau of Labor & Statistics BLS 24% of women make more than their husbands. This can be an added stress because it is perceived as the person who makes the most has the power. So if a woman does not know how to balance power, how to work as a team instead of having a demeaning attitude - this can be a major issue. If a woman is constantly bringing it up or making comments about how much she brings into the household, her mate will be resentful.
#Money Chat: Why is money when of the top reasons people divorce?
Shawn: Poor communication. People see finances as a sensitive subject - but when you live together or take on major purchases together the conversation about money should have started long time ago.
Money symbolizes many different things for everyone - i.e. control, security, happiness or status and it is often related to our childhood experiences. Since many have not been taught how to be effective communicators (ensure the message is being received) and often weren't taught money management skills as youth or young adults, the expectations could vary. If there's no honest discussion about it early on in a relationship the effects are quite damaging because decisions are being made based on assumptions.
#MoneyChat: Should a husband & wife have a separate account?
Shawn: Personally, I believe there should be two accounts: household account and personal expenses. The question of a need for a separate account usually eludes to trust issues. What has happened in the past, could it be trust has been betrayed from another relationship? Will each spouse have access to the account and bank statements? Every couple does what works for them, but the conversation and purpose should be discussed before marriage to avoid conflict.
#MoneyChat: Is it important to know how much a person makes while you are dating?
Well, how long have you been dating? Once you know you are ready to commit to one another the money talk should began. You don't have to give your weekly payroll but starting the discussion with budgets, debts, expenses and goals.
#MoneyChat: How important is credit score?
Shawn: Very important, we know some have bruised credit but being honest and open about debt is essential to getting off to good start in the relationship. You should not hide your debt obligations, that isn't fair to your mate. As a team you can work on improving both of your credit scores, but all the cards should be out on the table.
#MoneyChat: How long should you deal with your love being out of work?
Shawn: We are in a rough economy and a person can be unemployed for a year or longer. During financial hardship it is important to have a budget to get bills paid and a plan of action i.e. sell a car, garage sale, ... and know the best defense if pre-planning. This is also a time to be extremely supportive. For a man being out of work it is usually harder than it is for a woman. Men often equate work with their identity and not having a job could leave him feeling lost on top of other stressors.
Women, who are known to be independent can find it frustrating as well but usually she can be more adaptable.
5 Tips When Dealing With Unemployment:
1. Speak positively about the situation and to the person out of work
2. Have confidence in the ability to learn a new skill
3. Be willing to adopt non-traditional roles i.e. he/she may do more cooking, taking a job in retail even though you have an MBA
4. Be willing to except support from others
5. Get emotional support from others so you can give emotional support to the loved-one who is out of work. When the major breadwinner loses their job having mental and emotional stability is the source to get you through.
#MoneyChat: What if you are both bad with money, who pays the bills?
Shawn: Both should take responsibility and make an effort to improve their money management skills. With any problem, you have to admit you have a problem. It is about personal responsibility, what were you shown about money growing up? Did you have to save to make a purchase or were you given what you wanted? Maybe it was it a situation where you didn't grow up with much money and are trying to compensate for that? You have to practice good stewardship over what you have so your money will grow. Get help - have a family member who is good with money show you their methods, begin reading about personal finance or seek out a professional who can get you on the right track.
Transcript: http://bit.ly/h9PkP1
Twitter Search: http://bit.ly/e8UlS8
Dorethia Conner: Personal Financial and Small Business Coach
www.connercoaching.com | dorethia@connercoaching | 800.962.2491
Benita Tyler: Tax, Accounting and Women Owned Business Consultant
www.tbsusa.com | btyler@tbsusa.com | 888.380.1112
No comments:
Post a Comment