#MoneyChat - Love & Money!

Every Monday as @DorethiaConner & with my co-host @BenitaTyler we interview experts on my weekly Twitter Online Show #MoneyChat held from 8pm-9pm ET. This post pulls the highlights from our #MoneyChat topic Love and Money! Our special guest was Shawn White, MA, LPC (@Shawnwhitemalpc). Shawn is a licensed professional counselor, educator, speaker and trainer. Her approach utilizes practical tips with evidenced-based knowledge to strengthen families.

This one was sooo hot, we are doing Part II Next Monday! Join us 12/6/10!

#MoneyChat: How important is money when it comes to love?

Shawn: Money plays a significant part of the relationship and if not discussed openly it can it can create problems later on.

#MoneyChat: Is a relationship more difficult when a woman makes more than the man?

Shawn: According the Bureau of Labor & Statistics BLS 24% of women make more than their husbands.  This can be an added stress because it is perceived as the person who makes the most has the power.  So if a woman does not know how to balance power, how to work as a team instead of having a demeaning attitude - this can be a major issue. If a woman is constantly bringing it up or making comments about how much she brings into the household, her mate will be resentful.   

#Money Chat: Why is money when of the top reasons people divorce?

Shawn: Poor communication. People see finances as a sensitive subject - but when you live together or take on major purchases together the conversation about money should have started long time ago.

Money symbolizes many different things for everyone - i.e. control, security, happiness or status and it is often related to our childhood experiences.  Since many have not been taught how to be effective communicators (ensure the message is being received)  and often weren't taught money management skills as youth or young adults, the expectations could vary. If there's no honest discussion about it early on in a relationship the effects are quite damaging because decisions are being made based on assumptions.

 #MoneyChat: Should a husband & wife have a separate account?

Shawn: Personally, I believe there should be two accounts: household account and personal expenses.  The question of a need for a separate account usually eludes to trust issues.  What has happened in the past, could it be trust has been betrayed from another relationship? Will each spouse have access to the account and bank statements? Every couple does what works for them, but the conversation and purpose should be discussed before marriage to avoid conflict. 

#MoneyChat: Is it important to know how much a person makes while you are dating?

Well, how long have you been dating?  Once you know you are ready to commit to one another the money talk should began.  You don't have to give your weekly payroll but starting the discussion with budgets, debts, expenses and goals.

#MoneyChat: How important is credit score?

Shawn: Very important, we know some have bruised credit but being honest and open about debt is essential to getting off to good start in the relationship. You should not hide your debt obligations, that isn't fair to your mate. As a team you can work on improving both of your credit scores, but all the cards should be out on the table.  

#MoneyChat: How long should you deal with your love being out of work?

Shawn: We are in a rough economy and a person can be unemployed for a year or longer.  During financial hardship it is important to have a budget to get bills paid and a plan of action i.e. sell a car, garage sale, ... and know the best defense if pre-planning. This is also a time to be extremely supportive. For a man being out of work it is usually harder than it is for a woman. Men often equate work with their identity and not having a job could leave him feeling lost on top of other stressors.  

Women, who are known to be independent can find it frustrating as well but usually she can be more adaptable. 

5 Tips When Dealing With Unemployment:

1. Speak positively about the situation and to the person out of work 

2. Have confidence in the ability to learn a new skill

3. Be willing to adopt non-traditional roles i.e. he/she may do more   cooking, taking a job in retail even though you have an MBA

4. Be willing to except support from others 

5. Get emotional support from others so you can give emotional support to the loved-one who is out of work.  When the major breadwinner loses their job having mental and emotional stability is the source to get you through.  

#MoneyChat: What if you are both bad with money, who pays the bills?

Shawn: Both should take responsibility and make an effort to improve their money management skills. With any problem, you have to admit you have a problem.  It is about personal responsibility, what were you shown about money growing up? Did you have to save to make a purchase or were you given what you wanted? Maybe it was it a situation where you didn't grow up with much money and are trying to compensate for that?  You have to practice good stewardship over what you have so your money will grow. Get help - have a family member who is good with money show you their methods, begin reading about personal finance or seek out a professional who can get you on the right track.

   

Transcript: http://bit.ly/h9PkP1

Twitter Search: http://bit.ly/e8UlS8

CONTACT US!

Dorethia Conner: Personal Financial and Small Business Coach

www.connercoaching.com | dorethia@connercoaching | 800.962.2491

Benita Tyler: Tax, Accounting and Women Owned Business Consultant

www.tbsusa.com |  btyler@tbsusa.com | 888.380.1112

Is There a 'Thank You' in You?

It's so easy to forget to be thankful. Whether you are having money problems or living pretty comfortably right now, it's time to start giving thanks. Not just on one day of the year, but everyday. 

A lot of times we get caught up in the issues of our daily lives and forget to think about what is going right. If you just can't think of anything to appreciate, count the simple fact that you are breathing in and out. Start there and I'm sure you will find some other things to add to the list. 

While it's important to focus on your finances and be smart with your money - don't let it consume your life to the point where you miss everything else going on around you. Don't be so busy working extra to pay off debt that you miss all your family activities. Yes sacrifices have to be made to reach your goals, but weigh the costs and watch the extremes. Neither do you want to be so wrapped up in the money that you do have,  that you forget to help those less fortunate. After all, the slightest turn of the tide could put us in their shoes.

So, enjoy the holidays with your family - laugh, argue over silly board games, whatever your tradition, soak it all in and give thanks...

What I'm thankful for: 


Each brand new day God gives me...
My children... *muah*
My family - immediate and extended... they rock!
My friends - what a great group!
The opportunity to live my dream - sharing financial management strategies with the world.... a big thank you to my clients - I appreciate your business!


Now, what are you thankful for?


Your Financial Coach,
Dorethia
www.connercoaching.com

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

-William Arthur Ward

#MoneyChat - Laid Off? Here's Help For Your Finances.

Each week as @DorethiaConner & with my co-host @BenitaTyler,we interview experts on my weekly Twitter Online Show #MoneyChat held at 8p.m - 9p.m. ET.

This is a detailed transcript from our  #MoneyChat segment addressing the financial concerns of those who have lost their jobs. Benita and I answer the most frequently asked questions.  Benita is a Tax, Accounting and Small Business Expert - you can learn more at TBS USA Accountants and Tax Advisors

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There are an average of 15.3 million Americans unemployed. In the beginning of the downturn the automotive industry was providing buyouts and corporations were giving severances. Now, much of that has tapered off and many are simply being asked to exit. So what do you do in this situation?

First, I’d like to say that this is a very emotional experience. A million scenarios may go through your mind as to how this happened, your loyalty to the company, your co-workers etc. It’s okay to be emotional, it’s hard to take in what has happened at first.  But once you’ve gotten over the shock of it all, you must take action.

What do you suggest we do in today’s market knowing that it is so volatile?
With uncertainty in the job market the chances of experiencing fewer hours, slower sales, and job loss is hitting home for a lot of people. These early signs are forewarnings that preparation is key. Have your emergency tools ready so that if this strikes home you are ready. Things you should have ready are

- Resume/Cover Letter on CD and hard copies – you will need several versions

- Interview clothes

- 3 – 12 months emergency fund

- A good network – (it pays to be nice to people, you never know who can help you land a job)

Where do you start once you’ve been laid off?

1.     Whether you have received a severance or not, immediately file for unemployment.  Since there are so many applicants, it is taking longer to receive benefits, so file quickly as you don’t know how long it will take to find a job

2.     Map out your finances, what are your monthly income and expenses. If you have a working spouse, how much will their income cover your bills? How long will severance and savings last?

3.     Seriously slashing. Now this isn’t just  - don’t get that daily latte’ slashing, this is cut everything outside of our bare necessities slashing.  

How do you determine who gets paid?

Pay These 1^st:

1. Housing:  Rent/Mortgage –  Try to get your mortgage loan modified to lower monthly payment
2. Food:  Cut coupons, buy off brands, but make sure there’s enough food in the house
3. Utilities:  Be super conservative with energy use, but pay this bill – TURN THOSE LIGHTS OFF!
4. Transportation: You need a way to get around to look for a job – pay the car note, keep gas in the car. If you have two car payments consider selling one to downsize

So take care of housing, food, utilities, transportation – THEN worry about the other bills – credit cards, student loans, etc. Call your creditors and let them know you’ve become unemployed. Your student loans will qualify for a deferment.

   

DO NOT use credit cards or payday advances to fill in the gaps! 

You will only pile on more debt and make the situation worse!

What should you do to stay motivated?

Don’t isolate yourself, surround yourself with the most positive people you know. It will be important to have cheerleaders to inspire you to get up and stay in the game. It may look bad now but the game isn’t over. It’s only over if you don’t show up for the next round. 

If you feel yourself slipping into depression, get help as soon as possible. For example: if you want to lay in bed more days than you want to get your day started that is a sign you need to talk to a professional

Some people get stressed because they feel deprived when no income is coming in. What do you suggest?

Find alternative sources of entertainment. You may be used to going out to dinner and the movies on the weekends but when you lose your job you have to get realistic with spending. Think of alternative ways that you can enjoy yourself that are free or at least low cost. Perhaps substitute dining out for potluck with family and friends and while you’re at it you can exchange the movie tickets for a game of charades, free community event, or weekend book club.

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If you'd like more information on how you can effectively manage your personal or business finances, or grow your business utilizing social media marketing tools, subscribe to Dorethia's email list at www.connercoaching.com. Once you subscribe you can download FREE Spending Plans and other resources!

Dorethia Conner, MBA, is the President of Conner Financial Coaching. She is a financial coach, who is often called upon as a resource for national media, including being a recurrent 

featured financial expert in Black 

Enterprise Magazine. 

For more information, or to request Dorethia to speak to your group or organization, please visit www.connercoaching.com,  call 800.962.2491 or email info@connercoaching.com.

Your Financial Coach, 

-Dorethia

Financially Happy Holidays!

I had a great time on the Isha Cogborn Show! We discussed 'Keeping Your Holidays and Your Money - Happy! Below is the transcript from our conversation and a link to the audio is posted to in the column to your right. Check out Life Coach Isha at epiphanyinstitute.com

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WELCOME! The holiday season is upon us! A time filled with lavish parties, hearty meals, gift-giving and for many, lots of stress. On the first episode of The Isha Cogborn Show on BlogTalkRadio.com, Life Coach Isha Cogborn will get you ready to enjoy the holidays without losing your sanity or savings.

You might be feeling the pressure of giving your kids a perfect Christmas, treating your holiday guests like royalty, or looking fierce every time you walk out the door. Black Enterprise Magazine Featured Financial Coach Dorethia Conner will join us to talk about why it’s ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL not to overextend yourself over the holidays and how doing so just might haunt you till next Halloween. Plus, Coach Isha will address your top holiday stressors. You can’t afford to miss this show…literally!

Coach Isha:  Ok Dorethia, we've been financially responsible all year long. Isn't it normal to spend   more money during the holidays? We're cooking big dinners, buying gifts, traveling...these things are important to us. Can't we splurge a little just for these two months?

Dorethia: I don’t  mind a little splurging, my question is: can you afford it? When you have paid all of your monthly bills, put money in savings and other obligations… what’s left? If you can't handle those things, you shouldn't even think about it! Yes, it is normal to spend more during the holidays, how about we take a break from the NORM?

Coach Isha: What’s the best way to prepare for the extra expenses the holiday brings?

Dorethia: Planning throughout year will save you a lot of grief during the holidays. If you aren't disciplined to put away money without touching it, open a Christmas savings account. You add a certain amount of money each month and aren't able to withdraw it until October. 


Key Point: When you think about how much money you might need, don’t just think about gifts you want to buy. Think about those dinners, those Christmas parties,  the increase in your grocery bill and maybe any holiday concerts or shows you want to take in. We often only think to save for gifts, but these other expenses add up as well. It makes the holidays more fun when you've pre-planned for all your expenses. 

Coach Isha: Assuming we haven’t had a chance to do those things for this season, how can you still enjoy this time of year and not punish your family for your lack of planning?

Dorethia: In that case we simply have to scale back our gift giving. You can still buy gifts of course, but always have  a certain amount to spend on each family member and maybe you just buy for your immediate family. When times are tight, I know many couples who exchange love for themselves and only buy for the kids. In addition to gifts, we should also create  family traditions – everyone making a craft, playing board games as a family, cooking  desserts together - are all ways to do this. These things make holidays special and are often remembered much more than the gifts.

Coach Isha: I know there’s someone out here that’s saying to themselves, “I hear you, but you only live once. You’ll always have bills, but the opportunity to create memories with family and friends doesn’t come very often. I’m using my credit card”. What would you say to urge them to spend responsibly?

Dorethia: Isha I hear that all the time and it is simply a foolish point of view.  Since when did creating memories have to equate to spending money.  How often do we remember the times we laughed together or got excited over a family game without spending a dime? It is short-sighted thinking and we have to begin to think like the wealthy – who  think and plan long-term. Ask yourself 'how are my actions today going to affect my financial future?' So you splurge during the holidays, racking up credit card debt, missing bill payments, when you can’t afford it, and you are crying in January. Why? Because you know you will spend the rest of the year trying to pay for toys that were destroyed Christmas day!

Coach Isha: You offer financial coaching, workshops, all sorts of resources for people, like me, who just may not be naturally gifted at managing money. How can people work with you?

Dorethia: I co-host an online Twitter talk show called #moneychat each Monday evening at 8p.m. eastern with my good friend, @BenitaTyler of TBS USA Accounting and Tax Services, where we discuss a variety of money topics in plain English! In Twitter Search type in hashtag and then moneychat (#moneychat) and you will find our thread to jump in the conversation. Follow --> @DorethiaConner

Listeners can visit my website at  www.connercoaching.com for Free Spending Plans and other resources.  In addition to speaking, I coach individuals and small businesses nationally via net meeting and telephone on matters ranging from getting out of debt to funding business ventures and building wealth.
Thank you for having me Coach Isha!
-Dorethia
 connercoaching.com